Heartbroken

     Y'all may have noticed I haven't posted anything in a few weeks. Three weeks ago today our 19 year old son committed suicide. We are not sure why he did and I don't think we will ever know why he did it. So now our baby boy is in heaven with the Lord, but we miss him here with us and we are still dealing with the grief and the hurt. Now you know why and I hope to continue post about my journey with my leg next week. 

Home Again, Home Again...

   Good evening and welcome. In case you haven't look at the other two post of this story let me give you a quick version. I broke my fibula and my tibia, they couldn't put in plates and screws like they normally would. This led to a bar through my heel, two screws going down in to my leg, and a couple of pins in my ankle or there abouts. And so the next chapter of my journey was about to begin. After a week in the hospital and no infection it was time to say goodbye to the great staff at Moore County hospital and head home. 

   Now remember this is what my right foot looked like so a lot was about to change.

   The first big change, getting into the car. This should have been an easy thing right? Little did I know what I was in for. I had been told to stay off my foot and to keep it elevated, and just how I was going to this while riding in the car I had no idea. Gayla and the red team had gone down and scoped things out the day before so they had a plan, I just didn't understand it. We got down to the car and the wheeled the wheelchair up to the back door and now the fun began, not. Picture this a 290 + pound guy with hardware in his leg trying to hop, jump, and pivot on one foot and that was just to get to the door and sit on the seat. Now that I was seated I had to swivel my leg with all the hardware in it and slide across the back seat so that I could prop my leg up on an ice chest, various pillows, and blankets all the while trying to get comfortable (that wasn't happening). 

   The next stop Wal-mart and then McDonald. From there the forever ride from Dumas TX to our house, just a short hour and a half away. Man talk about pain, no matter how I shifted I could make that seat, or my backside feel comfortable and half way between Dalhart and our house it felt as if I were on some medieval torture device. Finally we were home and just my wife and I had to figure how to get me out of the car again not a simple task.

   Out of the car and do we go up the ramp frontwards or backwards? By the way praise the Lord for the church member who lent me her husband's wheelchair and for the ramp in to house. Next question can my wheelchair get through the kitchen door and once in how hard will it be to get out? Well needless to say we were able to get into the house (by going up backwards) and back out of the house. 

  We had people asking us how we were doing and adjusting. The answers was always or almost always the same we were adjusting well, we had to. How were we doing? Well praise the Lord I had no real feeling in my foot, so no real pain there. Up on my leg there was occasional pain but low dose pain pills helped with that. All I can say is that the Lord was working things out in ways we couldn't even begin to imagine. You know our Lord really does work things together for good (Romans 8:25).  

    We were finally home again now what? What was life going to be like now?         

The First Surgery

    Good evening and welcome to this account of my unexpected journey, and no I'm not talking about hobbits. A quick recap - I fell and fractured my fibula and tibia and after several days working in the yard they snapped. After a visit to our local clinic I found out that they were broken. 

   The P.A. at our clinic got us set up for me to see an orthopedic surgeon. So, the next day we drove down about an hour and half to consult with the surgeon and after several x-rays she agree with the P.A., sure enough I had a broken fibula and tibia but it shouldn't be to hard to fix. A plate attached to the broken end held in place by screws and I should be good to go. In my case famous last words.

   My wife and I went down to Dumas and took a room the night before the surgery, that way if it was early we wouldn't have to leave about 4:00 in the morning. It turned out we had an afternoon time slot and the Doc. got held up in surgery. so it was about 3:00 when I went back. I am 63 and I have never had surgery other than to have teeth cut out so I had no idea what to expect. Sure enough I got back there and had to get into one of those famous or infamous hospital gowns. Luckily they actually had one that fit, and I was grateful for that because it was all I had on. Soon the nurses were putting patches to attach monitors to me and then there were a boatload of questions and papers to sign. 

   After all this it was the anesthesiologist's turn. He came in and explained that they could do one of three things. They could knock me out all the way, they could give me a spinal block, or the could give me nerve blocks in my leg. I opted for just the leg block, but because of a low respiration rate I got a spinal block also and it hurt just like everyone said it did. They did an ultrasound of my leg to make sure they deadened the right nerves and then it was off to surgery.

   I was awake for part of it, but I have what my wife calls a sleeping super power. I can fall asleep just about anywhere if I'm laying or sitting still so I dosed off and on during the surgery. When I finally came out of surgery boy was I surprised. I didn't have plates and screws in my leg, but a rod through my heel a couple of pins in my foot and a couple of screws coming out of my leg just above my ankle. 

 

    They told me had something call Charcot Foot and a possible infection in my foot so plans had changed. Charcot Foot is damage to your foot when you’ve lost feeling in your feet and ankles. It can make injuries or infections much more serious. This led to a hospital stay of just over a week and 6 days of an antibiotic drip changed out at 4 a.m., this was followed up by my blood being drawn around 4:30 every morning and all the other stuff the nurses and nurses aids had to do through out the day and night. 

   But as uncomfortable as it could have been it wasn't so bad. My wife and I were constantly thanking the Lord for the staff of the hospital, they were awesome. You'd thought I was the only patient on the floor. And all the jokes about hospital food proved unfounded. We ate great food, maybe not enough of it, but good food. The guys that brought us our  meals were great an even got us set up to get a meal for my wife. The Lord truly blessed my time in surgery and our time in the hospital. Plus because of the Charcot there was no pain in my foot, and just pain every once in a while in my leg. 

   I praise God who truly is the author of all things. And while I had no idea what would happen next I had all the faith in the world that God had already seen what would happen and He was in total control. 

Next time finally at home and all kinds of changes. Until then the Lord bless and keep you and I pray you find some encouragement in this.    

A Journey - The Beginning

    Good morning, it has been awhile since I posted anything, and to be honest I don't know how many people will read this or still read blogs at all. I know that vlogs, and tic-tocs are the thing now. But I am a writer and I definitely am not all that good "on camera." 

   This next series of blogs are a bit of a departure from what I have normally done in the past. In the past I would post Bible Studies or something related to a Bible Study. But here in the last couple of months I have had a major change in my life and I wanted to write about it. Who knows maybe it will be inspirational to someone, or maybe it will let someone know they are not alone in an experience like this. I hope and pray that you will feel free to give me feedback as you read these post. Maybe just as important it posting let's me work through what I am going through. 

   Okay, now the beginning of this journey. I am big guy, 6' 3" and at the start of all of this I weighed in about 325 lbs. I am in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in. I was pretty active, driving a school bus, helping with After School Bible Club as well as other duties a single staff pastor has. I do suffer from diabetes and although not directly responsible for my current state it has contributed to it. 

   The parsonage we live in is on a large size lot with lots of trees and bushes. During the fall, winter, and spring we usually gather the branches and that fall and trimmings done and pile them in two places on our property. Then in the summer we collect the brush and haul them to the brush pile of one of the members of the church. It was during this brush hauling time that this new journey in my life was about to begin. 

   We had already hauled about four or five pick-up loads of brush, trimmings, and weeds to the brush pile and were actually finishing up on what was to be the last load of the summer. I was pulling on a branch of Russian Thistle that ended up being longer than I thought. The branch got hung up in the tree and as I turned to get a better pull on the branch my feet got tangled in the under brush and I went down twisting and having the branch fall on me. I was a little sore, but I pulled myself up and finished loading the pick-up with that last load and then took it and dumped it. I didn't know it at the time but this was the beginning of a major change in my life. 

   The day after my fall my wife and I worked in the yard finishing some mowing and raking small twigs and branches into our compost pile. I did some mowing a couple of days later, it was some hard mowing - waist high weeds and on an incline. The next day I didn't do much because my right ankle hurt. On Wednesday I was going to help my wife do some more yard work, but I couldn't get my sock on my foot so I went and took a morning shower. When I stepped out of the shower I heard a pop and and almost collapsed in pain. I was able to get into the doctor that afternoon, but me being me I had my wife take me to get a haircut appointment that I had scheduled. Then on to my doctors appointment where I found out I had a broken Fibula and Tibia. I had more than likely fractured them when I had my initial fall and aggravated them with the work I did. 

In the next post I'm sent to an orthopedic surgeon and I learn about something call Charcot Foot.

Lighthouse Keeper

 Good afternoon folks,

Gayla and I were at a multi-vocational pastors and wives retreat this past weekend. It was a great time. We met many pastor and wives of small attendance churches like ours and were encourage by them. It is good to be with others in the ministry who understand what you are experiencing. 

As those who know me will tell you, I have said many times if I couldn't be a pastor/preacher I would like to be a lighthouse keeper. I say that because the lighthouses are located by the ocean or other large bodies of water and I really like that. The thought of living on a rugged cost and that I can help keep people safe just sounds cool to me. 

On our trip home, our very long trip; Gayla was driving and I was kind of dozing and the Holy Spirit hit me with a thought. As the pastor of a rural church I am a lighthouse keeper. What do I mean by this? At our church we have always prayed to be a lighthouse to our community. But what exactly does that mean? 

Let's start by looking at what it is that a lighthouse does. A lighthouse, structure, usually with a tower, built onshore or on the seabed to serve as an aid to maritime coastal navigation, warning mariners of hazards, establishing their position, and guiding them to their destinations. From the sea a lighthouse may be identified by the distinctive shape or colour of its structure, by the colour or flash pattern of its light, or by the coded pattern of its radio signal.

In a community the church is a place that is readily identifiable. Ask just about anyone in a small community and they can tell you where the church is whether they attended it or not. Why was the church building built and why do people continue to attend Sunday School and the worship services? They attend so that they can learn about and strengthen their relationship with God, and Christ Jesus through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The church body is a visible manifestation of God and His grace. We are or should be there to guide our friends and neighbors through the treacherous waters called life by living and teaching God's Word. When the moral compass starts spinning, when it's hard to tell right from wrong the church through God's Word gives folks an established position. God's Word is always true and it never changes. As God's representatives the members of a church body help guide their family, friends, and neighbors into the safe harbor of God's love and mercy. Yes, the local church is much like a lighthouse and the pastor, the under shepherd is very much like the lighthouse keeper as they try and minister to their congregation and their surrounding community.   

A Panhandle pastor/Lighthouse Kreeper.

Authentic and Joy-filled

 Morning folks, I was reading the last chapter of Dale Sellers' book Stalled this morning and He writes about being authentic and joy-filled. He says, "People need to see an authentic and joy-filled church in today's cynical culture." And then he goes on to say, "This happens when authentic, joy-filled pastor is leading it." Wow, I found those word challenging. 

As I read those words I had to ask myself am I authentic? Why do I preach and teach God's Word. What is my heart like when I study His Word or when I pray. Authentic mean genuine, original, real, actual. Am I genuine in my love for God? Am I real when I worship? Do I actually believe what I preach every Sunday morning? Is my relationship with the God-Head real? As I look at that statement, it hits me that these are questions all of us should be asking ourselves as Christians. Is my walk with Christ Jesus authentic?

Now, what about the joy-filled part? I have to confess this part seems to have been giving me trouble lately. As a matter of fact in my journaling I had to ask am I joy-filled or am I freaking out about our churches lower number lately. And if I'm freaking out am I really being joy-filled? Of course I know joy-filled doesn't mean we go around all the time with a smile on our face and a song in our heart. But ask yourself, "Does being a follower of Christ Jesus fill you with joy?" 

I think more times than not lately I tend to be less joy-filled than I should be. Why is that because I lose sight of who it is that I serve and why I serve Him. I let outside circumstances affect my in-side joy. When this happens my prayer is, "I do trust You Father, let me rest in that trust and help me to listen to You."

May the Lord find you authentic and joy-filled today.

A Panhandle Pastor

A Relay Race - Hebrews 12:1-3

Heb 12:1-3
12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Heb 11:39-40
39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40 God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

Good evening and welcome. Come on in and join me for some more thoughts from Dale Sellers' book "Stalled." 

The writer of Hebrews talks about running a race in 12:1. "let us run with perseverance..." I have heard pastors and Sunday School teachers use these verses in Hebrews 12 to teach that we do not run a sprint, but that our Christian lives are really a marathon. They said that if we try to sprint through our Christian lives that we would surly suffer from burnout. 

I have heard about pastors and church leaders who started out fast and soon faded. I've also seen it with folks who join the church and go gang busters, they are every where and have their fingers in many different pots and then all of the sudden they're gone. The sad thing is nobody seems to know what happened to them.

A marathon where we go steadily along our spiritual journey in face of the alternative sounds like a better option. It definitely sounds like the safer one. I mean head down, putting one foot in front of the other after all slow and steady wins the race, right?

On the other hand Dale has another suggestion for this race we're in. What if it is really a relay? Look at verse 2 of Chapter 12 - "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith," Perfecter in the original language means "to complete, accomplish, carry through to the end..." and now back up to Hebrews 11:29-30 - "These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." We are being made perfect, we are not perfect yet and from what I have seen we will not be perfect until we graduate to heaven. And it is only with the saints that have gone on before us are we made perfect. 

So what if Noah passed the relay baton to Abraham and Abraham passed it to Moses, who passed it to Joshua, who passed it Samuel and he passed it to David and so on and so forth. Each generation passing the baton to the next until Christ Jesus returns again as our King. Each generation acknowledging the last and then running head long for God until their race is nearly done. Each generation passing  on their experiences, their wisdom, and their love and joy for Christ Jesus to the next. 

Pretty cool isn't it. Thanks Dale for this new perspective it definitely gives us something to chew on.    

A Panhandle Pastor