It Ain't Easy, But It's Worth It!

 Good afternoon and welcome to the Panhandle. With the one year anniversary of our son's suicide I've been contemplative. I guess that comes with the territory. I pray that you will find comfort and hope from today's blog. 

You know some times people think just because they are Christians their lives will be trouble free. But all they would have to do is look at the lives of Christians. Or if they could hear the prayers we lift up they would know that being a Christian doesn't mean a life of ease.

Jesus never promised us an easy life as one of His followers here on this earth. As a matter of fact He did just the opposite: If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. (John 15:20). If I ended my post here it would be depressing for sure. I mean with what I have just written who would ever want to trust Jesus as their Lord and Saviour?

But this isn't the end. Sure life is hard like I said, but if you know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour you have hope. Not just any hope but an eternal hope found in Jesus. Jesus told us that He would be with us and see us through this journey here on earth: Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20). Jesus will dwell with us to the very end of this age and we will dwell with Him in the next age which has no ending. A life in Jesus truly has no end.

Jesus not only sees us through He is right there with us in the person of the Holy Spirit. Look here at this very familiar passage: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30).

Sure we are going to go through some hard times, I'm not going to make light of them. But I know this from personal experience that with Jesus in my life I can make it through. Yes, there will be heartache at times. But at the end of it all when I pass through this life I will arrive in a perfect eternal life where I will see family and friends that have gone on before me and I will finally stand face to face with my Saviour and my God. 

Thanks again for dropping by and  ‘“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’ (Numbers 6:24-26)

Bro.  Orden

A Word of Encouragement

   Good morning and welcome to the Panhandle I'm glad your able to drop by.  I recently took an old tea candle house and painted it some bright colors and wired it to a stand left here by one of the former pastors of the parsonage. Gayla filled it with birdseed and now we have a bird house just out our living room window. It is fun to watch the little birds flit and flutter around it and occasionally one will go down the chimney and chase the other birds out. 
   As I watch the birds I am reminded of that verse: Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26).
   It's easy to get discouraged, to feel like everything is going against you. You just want to cry out, "God, why?" "Why did you take my son?" "Why are you letting my son or daughter suffer?" "Why am I experiencing this now?"
   Maybe you think, "Am I not serving you like I should?" Maybe your saying to yourself, "If only my faith was a little stronger then maybe it wouldn't be so bad." It could be you feel like Job: "I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me." (Job 30:20). 
   I know where your coming from I've been there. I even find myself telling the Lord, "I'm not Job, Father, please no more." And then after that I have called to Him, hollered at Him, begged Him and everything in between.
   Even when we can't find God, or when we think our prayers aren't getting any higher than the ceiling He is there. The promise God made to Joshua in Joshua 1:5, He has made to us: I will never leave you nor forsake you.
   So holler, beg, ask why, cry out to God. Do what ever you need to do. Then look at the birds. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.(Matthew 10:29-31).

“‘“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’ (Numbers 6:24-26).

 Brother Orden

Happy Birthday Sonny Boy

 

 

 

 

   Back last Friday I put up a post about my son, he would have been 20 years old this past Saturday, like I said would have been. I know this isn't the kind of post I usually write, and I don't know if any body will read it, but here it is. I pulled my post because I got an important detail wrong. I am posting again because I feel I just need to get this out there and it helps me in dealing with this. Thank y'all for letting me do this.

   My son was just 6 months old when we moved up to the Panhandle. He use to tell his sister he lived in the Panhandle longer because she was already 3 years old when we got here. He grew up like any child in a small town, playing with his sister and friends in the back and front yard or at a friend's house. He would also play with his "Cars" cars. We went to the movie house in Boise City and saw the movie "Cars" and he was hooked, as a matter of fact he would ask me to tell him the "Cars" movie as his bed time story for over a year.

  Being the son of a preacher my son loved to pretend to preach. We have a stand someone built before we got here and first his sister would lead the music and then he'd get up and preach. It was fun to watch because both of them barely cleared the top of the stand. My son was a very inquisitive child and he would ask some great theological questions. I really thought he would grow up to be a Biblical teacher or theologian. But that wasn't to happen.

  My son also had a thing for languages, when he was five or six he started making up his own languages. He would write out an alphabet and then put words together, he would work on these for weeks at a time. While in High School he had a teacher who taught him and his classmates Latin and I think my son was the only one who enjoyed it. It was in this class he also really got into philosophy and coffee. We had some great discussions around the kitchen table. Had, we won't be having anymore of those.

   Things started changing in my son's life around 2020. He became more of a recluse around then, but we chalked that up to being a teenager. He also had trouble sleeping, he even took Melatonin to help him sleep. In his Junior year we started having family game night, him, his mom and myself would pick some game and play for a couple of hours. But then he would head off to his room to game on the computer with friends. He loved playing Dungeons and Dragons a science-fantasy game. He came by his love of science-fantasy honestly, his mother and I have been a science-fantasy fans from way back. I remember that one Saturday he was so excited, he and some of his friends traveled from Norman to Moore to attend a sci-fi gathering. That night he told us he had finely found a nerd group to be apart of and he was so happy, at least for a time.

   Now here is some back story you need to know, my family on my mom's side for generations have suffered from an inherited chemical imbalance that can cause manic-depression, bi-polarism, and more. I, myself have been diagnosed as having manic-depression and spent three days in a psychiatric ward for it before I was diagnosed. Because of this when we had children I prayed that they would not suffer from this chemical imbalance. Because it was prevalent in my family I told our children that if they had any bad thought or anxiety attacks to let us know. Well my son was having them as far back as his Junior year if not sooner and he never told us. We would talk about this every so often and ask his sister and himself if they were experiencing anything and always the answer was no. Until...

   Our poor boy, he was so happy to be going to O.U. He had been excepted in to the prestigious Summer Bridge Program for in coming engineer students. Ever lacking self-confidence he felt inadequate being there at first but soon began to excel. And then it was time for school. He had a great roommate, he was doing great in his classes, was involved with his D&D group, had a girlfriend things seemed to be going great, seem to be. Then came the night our son sent his sister, and me and his mom a cryptic text and then his phone went dark. Just after he sent us those text he stepped in front of an on coming train. And now our son will never celebrate another birthday or any other holiday with us. Our only consolation in all of this is that we know that as a six year old our son accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour and so we will see him again some day. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 says, Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words. While I miss my boy sorely and I cry at the drop of a hat, I have hope, not a hope as men, but a heavenly hope. 

   Parents, family members I know it is hard to know if your child is struggling some times, believe me I'm still kicking myself that I didn't see the signs and was unable to save my boy. But spend time with your children, be invested in their lives. To the student, or youth struggling, seek out help! Seek it from a family member, a friend, a teacher, a counselor. If you don't feel comfortable with any of these call 988 the Suicide and Crises Hot Line. Please reach out and don't let those who love you acknowledge your birthday or celebrate the holidays without you.

Bro. Orden  
 

Cha-cha-cha-changes

    Good evening and welcome to the Panhandle. In my last post I wrote about what led up to my amputation. Tonight I would like to write about the changes that I've experienced along the way. Maybe you are experiencing the same things or know someone who is. I pray you find this an encouragement.

   When I had the bars and pins in my leg and foot I had to either lay in bed with my leg up or on the couch with my leg elevated. Needless to say this made many things difficult from riding in the car to taking a bath. I described a little bit about my process of riding in a car last time. Imagine trying to keep your leg elevated and straight as you climb in to the back of a car. I had to swing my leg in as far as I could and then pull and scoot to get in, a pretty rough process. Change - after my leg was amputated I would pile blankets and pillows in the front seat so I could prop up my stump. It was better than the backseat, but still a little uncomfortable. Change - now with my prosthetic I can climb in to the front seat, no problem. We almost no problem sometimes my foot wants to get caught on the door and I have to reach down and pull it in. 

    With the bars in my leg going to the bathroom was tough. When I was in bed, oh and that was a process let me tell you; anyway at night I couldn't get out of bed so I had to have Gayla help me by holding the urinal. Not a good feeling, and when you wake someone from a good sleep, no matter how much they love you they aren't happy. To go  #2 I had to have Gayla help me to my walker and then down into my wheelchair. After I got on to the potty-chair we had to prop my leg up into a very uncomfortable position. And then lets just say this is when you find out how much someone loves you when they put on their glove and take care of your business. Change - after the my leg was taken off I got confident enough to swing out of bed and into my chair and roll myself to take care of business. Unfortunately our bathroom door is to small for my chair to get through so I'm still on the potty-chair, and I still need help cleaning up after a #2, but hey it was and  is an improvement. Change - When I have my prosthetic on I can handle my business by myself. It's funny how such small changes can make a person feel happy.

   When I had the bars and pins I had to preach while sitting in my wheelchair, it wasn't comfortable at all. I sat at a table with my leg sticking out the other side while I read my Bible and notes. I gotta tell you this cut way down on my walking while I preached. But hey at least I was able to preach and give an invitation. Change - after my amputation I preached from my office chair that Gayla rolled up to the front for me every Saturday. I was able to use a music stand as my pulpit and after my sermon I would move back into my wheelchair for the invitation. Change - now with my prosthetic I'm able to go up on stage and sit at the big pulpit and preach. I tried to stand through my sermon and that didn't go so well, my knees started wobble so I had to sit down. It wouldn't been good to fall down while I was preaching, dramatic, but not good.  

   With all the changes in my leg or lack of the lower part I wasn't sure about ever driving again, but that looks like that may change. If I can pass a driving class and a driving test then using a hand control I will be able to drive again and Gayla is so ready for that to happen, me too. 

   Yes there have been a lot of changes associated with what started out as a broken fibula and tibia. But I can't say I was ever discourage, I know God is sufficient enough to handle what ever comes along - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

Thanks for dropping by and may God be gracious to you and bless you and make his face shine upon you.

 

The One Year Mark

Good evening and welcome, I'm so glad you dropped by. I've been blogging for awhile now, actually quite awhile now. But a year ago I had a big change happen in my life. Me and Gayla were clearing brush, a thing I usually did in June and July; and then it happened. The thing is I didn't know it had happened. I was pulling a branch hanging down and I got my foot hung-up and I went down. Sure I hurt a little bit, but that's because I don't bounce like I use to when I hit the ground. But I didn't think any more about it and Gayla hauled that and one more load that evening. That was on Friday, Saturday we cleaned enough little stuff to make about another pick-up load and hauled that to the dump site. Then I mowed the area that we had cleared. I preached on a slightly sore ankle on Sunday and then mowed some more on Monday. On Tuesday my ankle was pretty sore but I thought I'd get out and help Gayla with more yard work. I couldn't get my sock on because my ankle hurt so bad so I went and took a shower. As I was stepping out of the shower I heard a pop and almost collapsed on the floor. Gayla came in and I told her what happened and she called our local clinic and got me an appointment with the P.A. When we got there they took at look at it and sent me over for x-rays. Apparently I had fractured my fibula and tibia the day I fell and when I stepped out of the shower they broke. The clinic got us into an orthopedic surgeon the very next day in Dumas Texas. Dr. Riley had more x-rays taken of my ankle and lower leg, after looking at them she scheduled me for surgery, (number #1). Up until this time the only kind of surgery I ever had was oral surgery.

Surgery #1 and it didn't goes as planned. When they got into do the plates they thought they found evidence of infection as well as charcot foot, basically the bones below my ankle had become soft and started to collapse. so instead of plates I got bolts put into my leg, two pins inside my foot and a rod through my heel. And then they kept me in the hospital for two weeks, again a first for me; I had never spent more than a day in the hospital.

 Surgery #2 came about 4 weeks later. One of the pins in my foot started sticking out the side of my ankle about 2 cm. When we went in to see Dr. Riley see took a pair of fancy pliers and pulled the pin out of my ankle. It's not as bad as you think, because of the neuropathy I couldn't feel anything. So I just sat there and watched her pull it out and throw it in the trash. On our next visit I knew things were not good, Dr. Riley had a concerned look on her face and didn't really talk much. I told Gayla my foot and ankle were in trouble. Sure enough Dr. scheduled my next surgery to take the post and pins out right away. 

Well they took the hardware out and while I was still under Dr. Riley confirmed the worst. I had infection in my right leg below my knee and in my foot.

Surgery #3 - Later that day Dr. Riley came in and told me I had a couple of choices. First she could just cut off the infected area, but she would have to probably cut some in the not to far future. Or they could take my leg off about 5" below my knee where I had good bone and good blood flow. I opted for the second choice and the next day it was off to surgery again. When I came out from under the anesthetics the asked me how I was doing I said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I can feel my stump, the bad news is I can feel my stump." A few days later and I was on my way home.

Next came getting fitted for my prosthetic and then learning to walk again. I went through two practice legs so that the critical adjustments could be made. The folks at Mahaffy were great in getting us through this process.

 After the adjustment it was time for my regular leg and I decided that I didn't want an ordinary pattern on it so I went with a star field and planets on it. Part of the reason I chose it was to remember my son who committed suicide last October, he loved star gazing. and now my leg looks like this 

And now at the year mark things are going pretty good. I can get around better, a lot of the time with out my cane or walker. My time limit on my leg is about a hour to an hour and half. I've taken to working in our shed/my shop on a new hobby. I am repurposing things that I hope to sell or give away depending on what happens.

In my next post I'll talk about the changes and the challenges of this last year. Things are going to be different but remember no matter what your going through look to God and He will bring you through. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. (2 Corinthians 8:9). 

Until next time "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26).

 

Goals Met and More

 

Good evening everyone, I'm glad you have dropped by. It's been a busy summer already here in the Panhandle. As the video says I met an important goal that I had set back last September, well sort of. I had said my big long term goal was to be in the field leading games during Vacation Bible Club and using my walking stick to do it. Well I was in the field and with the help of several youth I led games, but because of the dips and tuffs of grass I used my walker.

Some of the kids laughed because there were time I would lift my walker off it's wheels and walk across the field. I used my walker because I had to haul different things for my games and it worked best. I have been calling it my mule, because I have a tendency to load it down with stuff. There was a day about a month ago that I had a bag clipped to the front of my walker with my drill and several other tools I needed to fasten seats back onto some metal chairs. My wife got on to me because the walker was so front heavy that if I didn't hold on to it it would tip over.

Anyway I was able to do games and take some different videos during our VBS. I also drove our van over, but usually my legs were so tired at the end of the day my wife drove home. Speaking of driving, you like that little transition there; I've started a process to take a required driving class and test so I can get my drivers license updated. Oklahoma as well as many other states require this if you install equipment to help you drive. I tell folks that my feet are to big, size 15eee to drive with the pedals. My feet end up on or under each other and driving with my left foot is out because there's just not enough room. I have opted for a hand control, that way my wife can drive the car normally and it's easier to handle for me.

Our Executive Treasure of the Oklahoma Baptist had to have his right leg amputated just below the knee. He was in a car accident that almost claimed his life. Both of his legs were damaged with the right being the worst, he ended up getting infection in the right leg and they had to amputate it. Well a few weeks ago now I saw a picture with what I thought was a great shirt and I asked him where he got it and he went and bought me one. Here is a picture of me in it. I grew up going to the beach in Florida and California so I guess that's why I like it. 

Well my wife is calling me so I guess that's all for tonight, but remember no matter how hard or how bad it seems God is there for you. He doesn't just have your back, but He also goes before you. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. (2 Thessalonians 16:16-17). 

Driving (not quite yet) Walking (getting better)

   Good afternoon and welcome. For those who are new to this blog site, I am a rbk amputee, that is a right leg below the knee amputee. This all came about last August thanks to two broken bones and infection in my lower right leg.

   Not long after I started blogging about this journey that I have been on, you can check out my past blogs to see the results and reflections of this journey. I last posted in February because I was running out of new updates. But now I have a few more for you, and I pray you find them helpful or at least interesting.

   First up is a recent experience or I should say nightmare. I thought it would be a good idea to change out an brown sock that I had on my foot for a cool looking blue and orange compression sock that I had. After all I wanted to keep good blood flow to my fake foot and ankle. No really I thought it is a cool sock for summer time. Boy was that a bad idea! My wife and I like to never have got that sock on my fake foot. What I thought would be a 5 minute, maybe 10 minute job took almost a half an hour and my wife saying, "We will never do this again!" When it come time to change the sock we are cutting this one off. So what is the lesson here? If you have a size 13 or better like me don't try and put a tight compression sock on your fake foot. I think a good rule of thumb would be if it's easy to put on your real foot then it will be just a little harder to put on your fake foot.

   At our last visit to Mahaffey Orthotics and Prosthetics I ask Jeff about wearing sandals and he say no problem and that if I had the open spot between my first two toes that I could even wear flip flops. Well guess what:

    I guess I could wear flip flops except for one thing, I have a tendency to walk out of them. But I can wear regular sandals with straps or my clogs. But mostly I guess I'll be in my tennis shoes.

   I have been walking with my cane mostly when I'm out now. Before I started to walk with it I didn't know if I was suppose to use it on my bad leg side or my good leg side. Thanks to some PT with Breck at Boise City Hospital I learned that its used on you're good leg side and that you put it forward when you step with your artificial leg. So step with your good leg and then cane out and step with you artificial leg. I also learned the distance you put your cane out to the side and in front of you depends on your normal gait.

   Around the house I use my Mule (that's what I call my walker) whenever I need to carry stuff. I have a cup/phone holder on it and I can load one hand up with stuff like my tablet and get around the house with it. I also use it to help haul in groceries and other stuff from the car. Here's a picture of me unloading groceries.

   When I'm not carrying much or anything I have gotten to where I can walk around the house without the walker or cane. I definitely walk with a limp, but I am walking and that is a positive. 

   I have to tell you driving is something I miss and my wife tells me she misses me driving. I have tried to drive and I do okay with our Montana but just okay. Our car on the other had is totally different. I have to look down to make sure I hitting the pedals. Also with my big feet and a real close break pedal My foot slips under it and get stuck for a second or two or I just over shoot it all together. This happened to me and I broke the lid on a tub and bent the tub before I got the car stopped, it was a scary few seconds. I have had friends tell me I should learn to drive with my left foot so I have tried. There's just one problem with this, well no its two problems and they are my size 15 wide feet. I get my left foot tangled up with my right foot. I try to keep my right foot out of the way but there's just no way to get it out of the way so my left foot can't get passed it. This leave me with one option that has many different outcomes. More on that later as I look into it closer. 

   I am posting this on Easter also know as Resurrection Day. Luke 24:5-7 "Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7`The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.'" (Luke 24:5-7). This is one of the greatest days in my life, the other is when I place my trust in Christ Jesus and asked Him to be my Lord and Saviour.  Romans 10:9-10 says,
 9 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. Because I placed my faith in Christ Jesus I find that in most cases I can face adversity (such as the lost of my lower right leg) with a since of peace. I pray you will find that peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Bro. OH (a panhandle pastor)