God's “Family”

Good morning from the Panhandle. I pray you had a good Lord's Day. Colossians 3:17-21 has been a cause of contention with many women and others for many, many years. Mainly the word submit in verse 17. Many believe that Paul is telling wives to be slaves or subservient to their husbands. But this is not the case at all. Paul is saying submit to your husband because of love, even as Christ Jesus loved the Church. Men we are to respect and love our wives and even be willing to die for her, like Christ Jesus loved us so much He died for us.

Now with this in mind lets look at our study on these verses.

If you think your family has problems, consider the marriage mayhem created when 76-year-old Bill Baker of London recently wed Edna Harvey. She happened to be his granddaughter's husband's mother. That's where the confusion began, according to Baker's granddaughter, Lynn.
"My mother-in-law is now my step-grandmother. My grandfather is now my stepfather-in-law. My mom is my sister-in-law and my brother is my nephew. But even crazier is that I'm now married to my uncle and my own children are my cousins."

From this experience, Lynn should gain profound insight into the theory of relativity. - Campus Life, March, 1981, p. 31.

Paul has often been criticized as being down on women. The truth is, he presented a radically new view of marriage and family which elevated women and children to an as yet unthinkable level of equality. The Hebrew and Greek understanding of marriage reduced women to “things” to be used and enjoyed, not loved and cherished. Women were seen as totally subservient to men, not only in society but in the home. It was a man’s world in every way.

Before Paul, Christ Jesus’ attitude toward women and marriage was revolutionary. He saw and treated women as persons of worth, not playthings for sexual gratification, or merely agents of procreation. On one occasion the Pharisees sought to entangle Him in a dispute about divorce. Too wise to be trapped, and too compassionate and committed to women to let the issue drop, He forced them to look at original and eternal intention for marriage (see Mark 9:2–9).

Paul built on these teachings and spelled out their implications for the early church. Also, he founded his teachings on the fact that the person in Christ Jesus has a new center of reference, a new Lord of life, and thus operates out of a totally new understanding of reality. People are brothers and sisters, all recipients of grace, and in the eyes of the Lord there is no distinction in worth between male and female.

Verses 18–21 put the emphasis on the value of persons. The family, then, is a place for relationships—not just a place to eat and sleep, to watch TV, to rest from our work; not just a place where our lunches are fixed and our laundry done; not just a place where we park our cars and husband wife are sexually gratified in an “acceptable” sort of way.

Col 3:18-21

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Instead of writing the usual "housewife" title while filling out a form asking for his spouse's occupation, one man wrote in: "Domestic Goddess." - Mrs. Bob Evans, April, 1980, Reader's Digest.

1. A Submissive Wife (vs. 18)

To be a place for truly relational the family must be a center of caring. Paul specifies each person in the family—wives, husbands, children—as he gives specific instruction. We miss the total impact of this if we dissect it and see it only at a particular point. We are usually turned off at the first word, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (v. 18).

But Biblical submission is...

• An exercise of choice: "Be submissive" refers to an action a wife chooses to perform. Though the statement is an imperative, the woman voluntarily yields to her husband's leadership. This is not a call to endure savage abuse, but to embrace an understanding of her husband's role as the responsible head of the home.

• Is an exercise of faith: In Ephesians 5:22, Paul adds that a wife should submit to her husband "as to the Lord." A submissive wife is trusting in Christ Jesus' care and sovereignty over her life and home.

• An exercise of influence: In 1 Peter 3:1-2, Peter adds the idea that a wife's submission has a life-changing influence over her husband. Her actions are more influential than her words.

• An exercise of beauty: In 1 Peter 3:3-6, Peter also describes the superiority of inner beauty, which is directly linked to a wife's submission displayed through a "gentle and quiet spirit."

So often people will miss a huge part of the meaning of this and dwell on a distorted fragment if they do not see it in context. Submission is not a command only for wives in relation to husbands, it is one of the distinct markings of a Christian life style: always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. (Ephesians 5:20-21), this is a general admonition to all Christians. There was the radical nature of the gospel. Wives, children, and slaves had been freed from the stations to which their culture condemned them. Submission became a matter, not of fitting into the way things were and had always been, but a matter of a Christian life style. It is still the same today.

The instruction Paul gave to husbands about their wives, of not being bitter toward them, of not provoking their children, also adds to this radical new understanding of the preciousness of family. And “stations” have been obliterated in terms of subordinate and super-ordinate positions in the fellowship of new persons in Christ Jesus.

“Isn’t it darling?” bubbled the young matron, showing her husband a new lampshade. “Darling or not,” said the husband, “wear it to church and you go alone.”

2. A Loving Husband (vs. 19)

"Husbands, love your wives and don't become bitter against them." The word love (agape) describes a husband who...

• Gives a Sense of Security - Husbands should have authentic love for their wives. When a wife knows she is cherished, treasured, and held in high regard by her husband, it gives her a secure, settled, and wonderful experience.
  I say straight-up, men: We are not asked to love if we feel like it; we are commanded to love. If we fail to do that, the joy of marriage will slowly erode and slip away.

• Elevates His Wife's Needs - Accepting the role of a servant, a Christlike attitude; the husband places his wife's needs ahead of his own. A husband gives her a sense of intimacy. “Husbands, make a home for her at home.” 
   
  A husband's task is companionship, togetherness, and closeness. The home should be a retreat center for the two of you, a place to come away from the pressures of the world and to share the things as a couple.

• Establishes Spiritual Priorities - Accepting the role of spiritual headship, a husband sets out to nurture the spiritual life of his bride through prayer and the Scriptures. When it comes to our relationship with Christ Jesus, we are heirs together. As husband and wife, we share the spiritual intimacies and realities we have in the Word of God, prayer and fellowship.

• Exercises Self-Control and Gives His Wife a Sense of Identity - Accepting his wife as she is, a husband guards and measures his words to her. 
  
  
  The word bitter refers to a sharp taste. By implication it can refer to a hurtful statement or piercing inquiry (For example, "You did what?"). When a husband loves his wife with understanding, she’ll sense he is deeply interested in her as a person. Not as a lover, or homemaker, or mother for his children, or someone to balance the checkbook. But with a tremendous desire to understand her as a person and to ever know her better.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. - Ogden Nash

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S. Truman

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.

- Anne Frank

3. Loving Children (vs. 20-21)

Honoring of parents is an essential virtue and certainly in need of cultivation. Parents’ relationships with children shape their personality and especially influence how they relate to themselves and others.

Paul was far ahead of his time in his concern about children. He knew that children could be robbed of their self-esteem, have their spirits broken early in life, and have to pay painfully, sometimes for a lifetime, for being emotionally crippled as a child. 

Continuous criticism and rebuke, discipline that diminishes rather than affirms self-worth, breaks the spirit of a child. Statistics indicate that more twins are being born than previously. When a teacher mentioned this to her third grade class, one of the pupils said, “I guess more twins are being born because little children are afraid to come into this world alone.”

Humorous, but true in fact. Children need love and respect, affirmation and support. Discipline is essential, but it needs the context of reciprocal respect. 

 

Other statistics make crucial the need for us to hear Paul’s word about reciprocal respect in the family. In 1978 there were 1,600,000 documented cases of child abuse in the United States. Probably more than that many were undocumented. Who knows the terror of unloved and unrespected children? All sorts of fall-out has resulted from the deterioration of the family and the lack of love and respect in bringing children to maturity. 

 

In a recent year one billion dollars’ worth of property damage was done by children to our schools; 70,000 assaults were made on teachers; and 100s murders were committed. Suicide is the second highest cause of death among the young. Is there a connection between these statistics and what is not happening within the home? 

 

Where the family is the center of caring, the wife may be asked to be submissive to her husband—but submissive to his love, not his tyranny; a father has authority over his children, but it must be an authority that is trusted; and so authoritative, but not authoritarian.

Where Christ Jesus' love is communicated through parents’ love, children are affirmed. In that caring context of love, children usually obey. The husband/father is to set the pattern of caring, loving as Christ Jesus loved.

4. A Living Savior (vs. 16-17)

Everything said in this passage is centered in Christ Jesus. Paul has just finished saying, “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus” (vs. 17). There is no problem in a husband being the “head” of the household if the husband’s life is centered in Christ Jesus, because then he will love his wife and children as Christ Jesus loved the church and gave Himself for it. 

 

"Let the message about the Messiah dwell richly among you, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, and singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." these are the verses 16-17 that precede the directions for wives and husbands and children (vs.18-21). 

We will not enjoy marriage or our family as God intends apart from an abundant, overflowing relationship with Christ Jesus. His words in us should color all of our relationships and explode in worship. Without Christ Jesus, a marriage, and your relationship with your children will be in danger of running aground on the rocky shores of selfishness.